Morpheus Gate

 

Morpheus’ Gate

Preface

 

This is a story about change, realizations and moving on. Before I start, I need to equip you with a few facts that will help you move smoothly through it:

-The first chapter is part of the preface.

-This story isn’t narrated by the protagonist only. Change of narrator will be accompanied by an indication of year at the start.

-This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

 

1. ME

 

If I met myself, what would I like myself for?

What if one day I wake up and there's another me sitting near my bed. No one else sees that me but me. I can dislike him, hate the situation but he'll still be there. He'll be there forever. I'll have to think of a few positives in him that serve as reasons for tolerating him all the time. What will those positives be?

Guess what. I’m already living with a me that no one else can see. He was there since I formed the ability to think and he'll be there till I stop breathing. What do I like myself for?

If I had to go back into my past and give myself emotional support, what point would I go to? And I only get an hour so I have to choose wisely.

It’s so hard to come up with concise answers to these questions.

What if I have to go back in time and live with my 14 year old self until I reach the age that I’m at now? What event would I prepare myself for the most? I’ll probably have to prepare for many events. None has been less important than the other.

Imagine a me that is a 100 years old. One day I wake up and he’s sitting at my bedside. This me can also only be seen by me. He'll live with me until I am a 100 year old.

I have an infinite me’s from all fathomable timelines and they’re all speaking thoughts into my head. The only me that is quiet is the me of the present. It observes and it feels. It decides my body’s action or inaction. The present me is my favorite one but I learn to live with all of them.

 

2020

 

2. MIRROR

 

The more I took notice of its sounds, the more I feared the day my ceiling fan would fall on me. Every house had them though. I didn't hear much about people getting hit by ceiling fans. I guessed the probability of mine falling on my head and killing me was very low. But it wasn’t impossible. I slid a little to the right. At least it wouldn't instantly kill me that way.

I was trying to recall the dream I just had. I often lost dreams, so I was trying to stay focused on the images I had just seen. Maybe if I visualized hard enough, I could sketch them into my memory for later.

I dreamt that I was staring into my own eyes in a mirror. I had a cigarette in my hand. I took a deep puff and blew smoke on the face in the mirror and everything went white. When the smoke cleared, the face in the mirror still had his eyes locked into mine. I felt relieved. It felt like the me in the mirror was trying to say that everything was going to be alright. I believed him. I believed me. I had so many questions to ask him but I woke up just when I was about to voice them. The ecstasy of possible relief instantly turned into the regret of loss as I was thrown back into the real world.

It was time to get up.

 

3. ROOMMATE

 

I sat up on my bed and as I was scoping the mess that was my room, John barged in, in a big hurry. This was weird because John was one of the slowest people I knew. Something must be up. He took a quick look at me. When he saw me looking at him too, he gave me a nod and let out a customary “Yo”. I replied with a “Yo” myself. After frantically searching for something for the next few minutes he turned towards me and asked if he could borrow my car for a few hours. “Are you going to Frank’s place today?” He asked. “I can drop you there. After a few hours, I’ll go there too and we can come back here together.”

My trusted intuition told me there was a girl involved. John was the kind of person that would stop the car in the middle of the highway and ask the shotgun to come to the driver’s seat. And he’d do this just because he suddenly didn’t feel like driving anymore. The fact that he offered to drive me somewhere... it had to be serious.

“Who do you have waiting for you?”

“What? No one.”

“Dude...” I said judgingly.

“I don’t want to say anything too soon, man. I’ll fill you in with the details when we’re back.” He looked pretty nervous. I’ll let him off the hook for now. I’m generous that way. Or maybe I just don’t care enough.

“Alright. Just don’t get yourself hurt Johnny boy.” He hated it when I called him that.

“Yea yea.” He had a very awkward smile on him.

I got up, filled myself with water to activate my organs and brushed my teeth. By the time I was done with my morning exercise, John had had enough.

“Let me guess, you’re going to boil a dozen eggs now and eat them slowly while contemplating about life. Dude, can’t you hurry up just for today?”

I hated it when I had to break my morning routine for any reason but John was in a hurry. And he was hardly ever in a hurry.

“I don’t eat a dozen eggs every morning. I eat half a dozen. I’ll take the eggs with me to Frank’s. No one will be awake for at least half an hour after I get there. I’ll make breakfast for the others as well.” I’m such a good person.

“Yea, good idea. Just hurry up, man. I’ll be waiting in the car.”

I picked up the eggs, my pack of cigarettes and my backpack. It took me a while to find the keys to the apartment (We should really get this place cleaned up, I thought), locked up and headed down to the basement parking.

 

4. Desperate

 

I opened the window next to Frank’s apartment door and unlocked the door from inside. That idiot lost his keys a month ago and this is how everyone gets in and out these days. To my surprise, everyone was already awake.

I could count four people. Frank and Tom were murdering Play Station controllers and Sam and Rob were waiting impatiently for their turns. I didn’t care much about videogames. It wasn’t not like I didn’t find them to be fun, it’s just that the desperate environment they created made me cringe.

I looked at the two that weren’t playing at the moment. They were pouring their soul out, cheering for Tom. Was it because they liked Tom or disliked Frank? Nope.

Tom was winning. People keep rooting for the person that’s winning because they want to see the game end as soon as possible. They don’t want to watch ‘an interesting match’. They impatiently await closure. They want to replace the people presently amidst the action.

Who doesn’t crave being the center of their universe? They involuntarily get engrossed in a game someone else is playing. They reach a state of flow that takes them out of themselves and into the life of people with the controllers. This makes them quite uncomfortable. Everything that their “me of the present” does feels desperate. They’re desperate to bring their center back to themselves.

I went straight to the kitchen, smoked a cigarette while making breakfast, ate the eggs, lit another cigarette and walked back into the lounge. Frank and Tom were still playing. The other two didn’t seem as interested as they were before. They looked defeated. They really thought that this objective world would reward them with their turns, just on the account of them wanting it so desperately.

Poor depleted souls.

They turned their attention towards me to find alternate entertainment.

“What’s happening, my man?” Rob tried to sound cool but it always backfired. Watching him crash and burn does tickle my funny bone though.

Alright, I’ll humor you.

 

 

5. Fading Technicolor

 

 

John was awfully quiet on the ride back to our apartment. I tried to start a conversation a few times but he didn’t bite. I decided to put on a song. I put on You’re So Cool by Jonathan Bree. John loved this song. When he started bobbing his head to the chorus and silently muttering the lyrics, I wasn’t worried anymore. He was fine.

 

He didn’t feel like driving now.  I didn’t mind. I loved how the hills and clouds looked through my side view mirror. It was a perfect painting wrapped into a cool tiny frame. I decided to take a picture so I told John to hold the wheel. He couldn’t ignore this request. At least if he didn’t want to die.

 

These kinds of things never look as good in photos but I took one anyway. You can’t capture the moment entirely but souvenirs and memoirs are very important. They remind you of beautiful things you’ve experienced. You never know what they’ll inspire you into doing later.

 

John seemed to be processing a photo he took recently. I could feel the intensity of his focus from all the way there. The mind was not made to be a camera like that but who’ll tell that to romantics?

 

“I’ll take a picture of your face with my mind.” I said out loud.

 

“Shut up.” There was that awkward smile again. He knew I was mocking him.

 

“At least tell me if you had a nice time today.” I tried for the last time.

 

“I don’t know. Today was important. Probably one of the most important days of my life.”

 

That wasn’t helpful. He’s having most important days much too often.

 

 

6. Change

 

 

“I’m seeing Kathy again. It’s serious this time.”

 

That was a weird sentence to wake up to. I’m glad he finally “confessed” but I just had a very fascinating dream that I was losing fast.

 

“We met and talked things out. We both realize that we’re at an age that warrants being serious about these kinds of things.” He continued, despite getting no real response from me.

 

I decided that I’d lost the dream and there was nothing I could do about it now.

 

“That’s cool.” I let out a half-assed reaction. I didn’t mean it to be half-assed. I’d just woken up. It takes some time before all parts of my brain start working.

 

“Yea.” He handed me the water bottle. Johnny boy knows me. He knows that I need to flood myself with water to get activated.

 

“Why do you look sad? Shouldn’t you be happy?” He was avoiding eye-contact. I could see some form of self-imposed guilt on his face. “You still have feelings for Sarah or something?”

 

“Hell no!” He almost looked alive when he said that. “Who cares about that bitch?”

 

Sarah was still a friend. So technically, I did care about her. I didn’t tell him that though.

 

“Then what’s wrong, asshole?” I wanted to know now. I didn’t really care a while ago but I was curious now.

 

“We’ve sort of planned out how we’ll handle our situation but there’s one part of the plan that worries me.” He was worried, not sad.

 

“And that is?”

 

“I have to move out of this place.”

 

“What? You guys are getting married already? I think you’re jumping the gun here, Johnny boy.” That didn’t piss him off. Suspicious.

 

“No, of course not but eventually we will. I need to get my act together soon. I can’t live like this right now. Do you really think I can suddenly jump from living like this to being a respectable married man?” He was actually serious.

 

“Is this really so bad that you need a practice run before getting married?

 

He sarcastically looked around at the abstract masterpiece that was my room and said, “And my room is even worse, bro.” What a smartass. “Your work’s really taken off and you were talking about getting a bigger place. You can just keep the whole apartment for yourself.”

 

“I don’t want the whole apartment! What would I do with the whole apartment? First, Frank and Rob decide to move to Karachi and Sam decides to go to America for studies and now this.”

 

“Tom’s still here.” He miserably failed in comforting me by saying that.

 

“Tom is practically a mute that Jack forces to hang out with us.” I let out a sigh and began to realize I was acting too needy.

 

“It’s going to be alright, man. You always figure your stuff out. You’re great at that.”

 

“Yea. It’s just very sudden, that’s all. I’m sort of, kind of happyish for you guys.” I directly jumped to the fifth stage of grief: acceptance. There’s no use crying over spilt milk. Damn, I was over-complicating it. Desperate. Disgusting.

 

“Please don’t think I’m ditching you. I have to do this.” He sounded really guilty now.

 

“It’s fine. When do you leave?”

 

I tried to change my focus to calm my nerves. I started to think about the dream again. By now, I’d lost most of it. I could only remember lying on my back. I think I saw two people standing beside me and staring at me. I can’t even properly remember what they looked like. It didn’t feel like they had bad intentions though. In fact, they seemed to be comforting me. Was I dying?

 

 

 

2018

 

7. The Inventor

 

I saw faces towering above me with sorry looks. I didn’t want these people here. They were making the last moments of my life even more depressing than they were. I wanted to tell them all to leave but I couldn’t utter a single word. I couldn’t even give them a signal that would tell them how annoyed I was getting. Dying is so physically limiting.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek. They must think I’m sad because I’ll miss them. No I won’t. I’m not being insensitive. It’s just that I’m about to die. Missing someone or something is a luxury reserved for the living. Death means losing that right. Maybe the dead do miss the living when they’ve gone wherever the dead go to. No one knows if the dead miss you or “live with you, in your heart, forever”. These constructs have been made by the living to get them through their hard time. I don’t think the dead have that luxury.

These thoughts were depressing the hell out of me even more. I started to analyze what I was leaving for this world so that it might remember me. I’ve lived here for ninety-three years and after the first twenty-one, I’d decided that I was an inventor. I’ve been a scientist that has spent all her years trying to create something novel and useful. I’d been reading about inventions and their inventors since reading about them became possible. There was this piece written by this Californian that a lot of people hadn’t heard of. It was a fictional argument between Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla that had been fabricated after very thorough studies of their lives. It was my favorite thing to read. Whenever I felt defeated, I’d take it out and speed-read it for inspiration. It always worked.

Would Tesla and Edison be proud of my achievements? Was I a worthy inventor?

I suddenly wished that they would be standing here at my bedside instead of my so called family and friends. I closed my eyes and let out a deep sigh that no one could probably hear.

Did I do what I had set out in life to do?

When I opened my eyes I imagined the two inventors now standing beside me rather than the aforementioned sad party. They didn’t look sad. They had curious looks on their faces and they seemed to be inspecting my situation.

“It’s an honor to meet you but I wish we had met in better circumstances.” I started talking to them in my head.

Their previously perplexed faces turned calm and their expressions softened.

“Did I make you proud? Am I an inventor worthy enough to be appreciated and acknowledged by you?”

They didn’t say anything. I wasn’t surprised. They were figments of my imagination. But like a stubborn child, I repeated my question.

“Did I make you proud? Am I a praise-worthy inventor?”

This time they reacted, but not with words. They reacted with a smile and they both put their right hands on their chests, with respect. They were telling me I did fine. They were pleased with the heart and soul that I had poured into science.

I let out a sigh of relief. Halfway through the sigh, I realized that I was breathing out my last breath. Without fear, I let the air escape my lungs as I, almost gladly, embraced the end.

 

2020

 

8. Email

 

It had been a month after John had told me about leaving and by now, everyone was gone. It was lonely but I knew I would manage. I had a lot to do that I was procrastinating on. So, like someone that had been on the vanguard and survived the first line of attack, I soldiered on. A lot of other people that were with me on the frontlines were gone now. But I soldiered on. What else was a soldier to do?

 

I was checking my email one morning when I came across one that looked like clickbait. It was from some “Dream Management”. I usually skip anything that seems fishy but I opened this one anyway.

 

 

Mr. Jack,

 

This is Sarah from Dream Management. I hope you’re having a nice day. The purpose of this email is to inform you about the steps that the Department of Anomalies is taking regarding your sleep dreams. But in-order for you to properly understand our decision, it’s important to make you aware of a few things.

 

Dream Management is the authoritative body that governs the organization and smooth running of dreams of the population on Planet Earth. The Department of Anomalies deals with occurrences that are inconsistent with our historical data of reference. The reason my department is contacting you is that we are observing some alarming irregularities that have something to do with your dreams.

 

To understand what’s happening, you need to be guided about some rules that dreams follow. In every dream that you have, you see something someone else has daydreamed. That’s normal and it happens with everyone. But there's something weird that's going on with you in particular. We thought that this anomaly was a product of mere coincidence but after what we've been seeing, we think this is worth taking some action about.

 

Every person has a dream-mate. One person daydreams and the other dreams it when he or she sleeps. These people, in most cases, maintain this relationship until the life of one or the other ends. When their relationship ends, we attach the living person to someone else, according to their situations, subconscious similarities or their matching paradigms. There are many other complications that you don't need to know. This email has been sent to inform you that we are taking away your dreaming privileges.

 

Every person whose daydream you have seen in your dream has died shortly afterwards. Initially, we assumed that this was a matter of chance. The people that died must have had it coming anyway. So we kept changing your dream-mate. The last person we assigned was your 2500th one. We are not sure if stopping your dreams will solve the problem or if it even has anything to do with the conundrum. But we sincerely feel that we should investigate in a deeper fashion.

 

This change is, in no way, definite. If we are able to find the cause elsewhere and prove that this has nothing to do with being your dream-mate, we will reinstate your dreaming channel and pair you up with a new partner.

 

In the meanwhile, we will attach you as an intern to the Department of Anomalies and your first assignment will be communicated to you shortly.

 

Regards,

Sarah,

Department of Anomalies,

Dream Management.

 

Sarah? That’s a weird joke to play on someone.

 

But why would she tell me her name if she was trying to prank me. Sarah was mean but not stupid. I sent her a text message to ask what was going on. She responded with confusion that I know she wasn’t faking. It wasn’t her.

 

Dream management? Department of anomalies? I didn’t even know what to make of it. I decided it was something that I did not need to put too much thought into. It must be a new weird form of clickbait. You’re not fooling me.

 

I should’ve skipped over it after all.

 

 

9. Proof

 

 

The following few days seemed as normal as normal days could be. I went about my business as I usually did and life was alright. My projects had started bringing larger returns, justifying my increased level of effort. I’d say I was dealing well with the change through which my life was transitioning. I didn’t really know yet what my new stasis in life would be but this didn’t concern me all that much.

 

What did concern me was the fact that I actually stopped having dreams. It could’ve been a coincidence, though. It wasn’t the first time that I noticed not remembering having any dreams, for a long period of time. I kept on living the way I was living. I’d been getting enough sleep and exercise and I was eating healthy. But I couldn’t help noticing that something was wrong.

 

Despite having ingredients that should lead to better overall satisfaction, as time went by, I felt more and more irritable. It felt like something deep inside my mind was tired and uncomfortable. Was this because I wasn’t having dreams?

 

I decided that I’d search online for things that happen when someone does not dream. The first line written in bold as a summary of an article was:

 

Whether you can or not, if you're not dreaming, you're putting yourself at higher risk for obesity, memory loss, and inflammation throughout your body, which can lead to autoimmune troubles.

 

If my dreams were actually taken away from me, like that weird email mentioned, I’m at a higher risk of obesity, memory loss and inflammation throughout my body. For a health and fitness freak like me, that was very worrying.

 

The irritability soon turned into noticeable stress and eventually into slight pain in my lower back that never seemed to go away. No matter how much I slept, I felt like I hadn’t slept at all when I woke up. When I started noticing that I was now forgetting things too, I started to panic. I didn’t make my worry too apparent to anyone but I started suffering on the inside.

 

I started to check my emails more frequently. I wouldn’t admit to myself that I was doing so to see if Dream Management had contacted me. I expected to somehow casually come across answers.

 

When I realized that I wasn’t going to find an answer this way, my mind came up with two possible conclusions. 1) I had made a complete fool out of myself. I had, deep inside, actually believed what that email said. I had fallen into a placebo effect that was ruining my body. If this conclusion holds true, I have to convince myself that this whole case has only been a product of my own mind and thinking. Only then will I be able to realize how ridiculous I’ve been towards this whole thing. 2) Dream Management exists. The Department of Anomalies exists. That Sarah actually works there. My dreaming privileges have actually been taken from me.

 

For a while I kept weighing both conclusions in an effort to eliminate one out. Subconsciously, I wanted the first conclusion to hold true but I wasn’t finding any solid proof. On the other hand, I wasn’t having dreams. It wasn’t that I couldn’t remember them. I just didn’t see anything. My pains and memory loss were getting worse as time passed by. I finally decided to reply to that email. A part of me was still wondering if I was about to make an even bigger fool out of myself but I was starting to feel desperate. And I can’t stand even seeing, let alone being, someone desperate.

 

Almost 6 weeks after receiving that email, I decided to send out a reply.

 

I asked them for proof of their existence. I wanted to know why they had put me under this punishment when I had done nothing wrong. They said that they weren’t even sure if my dreams were the problem. Was it fair that I get punished over something I have no real control over? Not having dreams didn’t sound very scary but the effects it had been having on my body were no joke. If this was to continue, I needed solutions for the problems I was facing. And what was the “attaching me as an intern” part about? Did they really think I’d happily work for them after what they’d done to me? And how did you even work for this organization? Where were they? What did I have to do? I wanted answers!

 

I got a reply almost exactly one day after I sent my query:

 

Mr. Jack,

 

I am pleased to hear from you. I’m sorry for the problems you’ve been facing but these are all part of our process for hiring interns.

 

It is obvious to us that we do not sound very believable when we make contact with people. In the past, we tried many methods to convince the people about our existence. When none had desirable effects, we decided to resort to showing instead of telling. This way proved to be much more useful for the human race.

 

Furthermore, we judge the merit of possible interns by how long it takes someone to figure out we’re real. I am pleased to tell you that you have been one of our more promising contacts. To put things in perspective, the average amount of time this takes is 8 months. To feed your confidence further, I’d also like to mention that there are, at this moment, at least 150 people that have not been able realize our existence for over 20 years. It would be wise to congratulate yourself.

 

Your complications will get better when you start working on your assignment. There is a person in your neighboring city that is unable to daydream. We would like you to make contact and investigate the situation. Just like not having sleep dreams negatively affects one’s body, so does not having daydreams. Your first assignment is to locate the anomaly and report back to us. The person will be in front of the central train station between 1:15 p.m. and 1:30 p.m. three days from now.

 

Write back to us with any details you can find that might be leading to their problem. Your assistance is much appreciated.

 

Regards,

Sarah,

Department of Anomalies,

Dream Management.

 

I read the email at least ten times, trying to make sense of it.

 

I had to look for this person now. She should’ve given me more details though. There are quite a lot of people outside a train station on a Saturday afternoon. How would I ever know who this crazy organization was talking about?

 

 

10. Train Station

 

 

I reached the station a little before 1 p.m. and stood outside the main entrance. I didn’t want to know what would happen if I was late. I kept looking at my wristwatch anxiously as each minute passed. Time passes so slowly when you’re in a state of anticipation. There was already a sea of people flowing in that area. How would I ever know who I have to look for?

 

The moment my watch told me it was 1:14 p.m. I started to frantically look around for a sign. What could that sign be though? Maybe the person of interest would be in this area for the whole 15 minutes. Maybe that person would come and talk to me him or herself. Maybe that person would accidentally crash into me like it happens in the movies.

 

To my dismay, 12 minutes had passed and I did not see any of the signs. There were so many people that I couldn’t really make out who had stayed there this whole time. No one came and talked to me. Even beggars did not bother me like they usually do during these rush hours. No one crashed into me either. In fact, people were dodging me like I had never seen before! I even tried standing in the middle of the pavement where everyone had to pass. Nothing happened. I was seeing no signs.

 

It was now 1:30 p.m. and I had failed to find anyone that I could be sure of. As if by magic, the place began to slowly clear. I decided I’d wait and think about what I should do next. Should I ask Sarah for another chance? Should I tell them I failed? I sat down on a bench and lit a cigarette. I started to look around.

 

I saw a homeless guy lying on the pavement on the other side of the road. He looked smashed and thrashed by heroine or meth or something. God, I hoped it wasn’t this guy. After sitting there for another half an hour I began to accept the fact that it might actually be him. No other person in the vicinity had stayed there for the whole time. After waiting for another few minutes, I decided to approach him. All I had to do was locate the anomaly right? If it is actually this guy, the first task of my assignment will be done.

 

I got up and started to cross the road. A weird foul smell shook me up as I got near him.

 

“Hey mister...” I leaned in and tried to get his attention.

 

He did not pay a shred of responsiveness. I leaned in closer and tried to call out to him again but he didn’t respond. Man, this guy was high.

 

I shook him by his shoulder and he fell on his face. He wasn’t breathing. I jumped back in horror. This was scary! I looked around me and found out that no one had seen what had happened. What do I do now? What do I do now? That’s all that raced through my mind.

 

I heard a sob. Behind a bush near us, I saw a girl wiping her tears. How did I not see her? Did she just get here? I asked her if she knew the guy and she nodded in approval. I asked her about what happened.

 

“Mommy died. Uncle beats me. Now, daddy is also dead.” I had not heard a voice shake like that before.

 

“Hey, everything will be alright. I’ll drop you home, let’s go.”

 

She didn’t budge.

 

“I won’t hurt you. It’s not safe to be here all by yourself.” I tried to convince her. I probably failed at my task but at least I could do something good. Maybe this whole trip won’t feel like a waste that way.

 

“But uncle will be so angry at me for leaving. He’ll beat me.” She wasn’t willing to move.

 

“Can you at least tell me where you live?” I guess I can’t blame her for not getting into a stranger’s car.

 

She did not answer my question.

 

“Okay, different question: When did you come over here?”

 

She looked up at me, tears in her eyes and all and said, “Today... morning...”

 

Is she the one who’s unable to daydream? I wouldn’t blame her for not being able to.

 

I decided to accept her as the anomaly. Sarah will tell me if I’m wrong… won’t she?

 

“Hey, let’s get something to eat, okay?”

 

 

11. Final Sin

 

I prepared the first dose of the day which I knew was possibly the last dose of my life. If this much powder failed to end me, maybe infections I get from this syringe would be my undoing. But I hoped to die of overdose. Infections could’ve taken too long which could turn out to be even more painful than the pain I felt at the moment.

 

People were swarming in from all over the city to go to places far away. It’s funny how they worry about their journeys and I’m so ready for mine. They keep checking if they forgot something that can only be done here. Someone needs to teach them to let go.

 

I found the vein in my arm that I decided would be my prey. I carefully injected myself and felt the solution course through my body, caressing each and every fiber, preparing me for a blissful goodbye.

 

I wished I could see my child once more but that asshole of a brother in law didn’t even let me near her. O God! I have been a vessel full of sin but please help my daughter! She has no one but you in this world. Please help my baby.

 

Things started to get blur and nausea hit me like a truck hitting a dog on the highway. I could feel my throat filling up with vomit and choking me. This was it.

 

God punished me with the worst punishment I could think of during my last moments. I saw the horrified face of my daughter block the sun above me.

 

“STOP! LOOK AWAY!” I was screaming but my throat could not pass any sound.

 

My heart hurt like it had never hurt before.

 

To cope with the pain, I sinned one last sin before embracing darkness. A sin that matched the pain. A sin like none I had committed before.

 

I imagined my daughter happy to see me. The drugs helped and her horror-struck face turned tender with a smile. I imagined her saying, “Thank you”. For what, I did not know.

 

I was then ready to close my eyes forever. And I did.

 

 

12. Report

 

 

Was my first task completed successfully? There was only one way to find out. I decided to write any detail that I thought could prove useful.

 

I told them that I had searched the stated location like I was told and had found a girl that probably fits the scenario. It was difficult to ask her if she was able to daydream as she couldn’t properly grasp the concept. This might mean that she actually doesn’t have day dreams and I have found the right person. She has had a terrible past that has left her in a state of irreparable trauma. The bad images she has been subjected to stop her from creating new ones out of her imagination. Ofcourse these are just assumptions from the data that I was able to derive up till now. I will investigate the matter further if I’m required to do so.

 

Dear Jack,

 

It’s great to hear that you are doing well. Keep up the good work and continue reporting back to us. Good luck!

 

Regards,

Sarah,

Department of Anomalies,

Dream Management.

 

Wow. That felt anticlimactic. I was expecting constructive feedback or something.

 

But I soldiered on. What else was a soldier to do?

 

 

 

2023

 

13. Protagonist

 

 

I came to live with Jack when I was 15. For the first year after I met him, he kept visiting me every few weeks and we would spend time together. He’d take me out for my favorite ice-cream and we would talk for hours. He didn’t like ice-cream himself. He said he didn’t have a sweet tooth. I still don’t understand how someone can’t like ice-cream but he was how he was.

 

I liked our meetings. I used to sneak out of my house when no one was around and got better and better at doing so, with time. The cruelty that my uncle displayed also increased with time. I was subjected to every kind of abuse one could imagine. Life was hell at home and our occasional ice-cream sessions felt like heaven.

 

It was only me and my maternal uncle at our place. We met no other family and I never saw or heard of any of my uncle’s friends. I missed my mother. I even missed my father. I felt very alone. Uncle would leave the house every morning and he’d be back at the same time every evening. He always seemed like he prepared himself for hurting me before getting home. I’m not sure if he liked to do this or if this was the only way he knew how to live. Weekends were the worst. He drank himself into a stupor that made him especially dangerous. He came up with new and increasingly spiteful means of cruelty on the weekends and used them throughout the week that followed. Weekends were the worst.

 

One Friday however, he left home in the morning and never came back. A week passed and there was no sign of him. I did not know how to feel about it. On one hand, the abuse stopped. I had never spent this much time without getting beaten or shouted at. On the other hand, I was even lonelier than before. Food ran out and I had begun to starve.

 

That’s when Jack offered me to live with him at his place. He had a spare room and enough money to support me and my education. His family lived in another city and they never visited. He went to visit them every few months but hardly anyone visited him at his place. We decided that I would play the role of his little cousin whose parents have now passed. It was already half-truth and thus making it believable wasn’t very difficult for me.

 

Jack was 25 years old and hardly ever had a set routine like my uncle did. When I asked him what he did for living he would give me one of two replies, which I think depended on the mood he was in at the moment. Some days, he would call himself a businessman. Those days he got up early, dressed very proper, worked out, went out a lot and worked a lot on his computer. He looked confident and capable but was always under a lot of stress. On other days, he would call himself an artist. He would get up late, have no regard for his appearance, be lazy, stay home a lot and paint and write like a madman. He looked anxious but he smiled a lot. I didn’t mind either of his moods.

 

He hardly ever asked me to do anything for him. He liked to remain independent. But I didn’t have much to do apart from going to school (which, thankfully, I could continue thanks to his help). So I tried to do little things for him like boiling eggs for him and filling his water bottle. Those two things were hilariously important for him. I found that he hated making phone calls so, from time to time; I took calls on his behalf. I never felt like I did anything substantial but I did what I could to pay back his kindness.

 

He still took me out for ice-cream almost every week.

 

One thing that confused me was his questions. He asked me about my thoughts and the pictures I made in my mind. He would make up scenarios and ask me what I would do in those situations. He told me stories and asked me to imagine them in my head. I was very bad at doing those things. I tried to do what he told me but I couldn’t really see any pictures in my mind. He was never upset with me which made me feel guilty. He didn’t ask much of me but I wasn’t able to do the little he asked. At times, under pressure, I would lie to him about seeing what he was talking about. He always knew when I did that, though. He didn’t get upset. He just smiled.

 

It had now been almost three years since I met him and two years since I moved in the room next to his. I was almost done with high school. I wanted to ask him if I could go to university but felt ashamed about saying anything. He’d already done so much for me and I didn’t want to bother him anymore. But if there’s one thing I learned from Jack, it’s that you have to try your best to do what you want. If you fail, just shrug your shoulders and say, “O well.” I had run it by him but hadn’t properly asked him yet. I decided that I would start applying to different institutions and ask him when I needed his help. As much as I hate it, I think I should also move out. I’m sure he gets suspicious looks from people about me. He never tells me but I know it’s difficult for him to maintain a respectable image of our relationship in the filthy eyes of the world. “Our social constructs sicken me at times”, that’s all I’ve heard him say about this. He always said it with a smile that tried to assure me that it wasn’t a problem. I’m sure it was, though. I knew he wouldn’t let me move out for no reason but if I went to a university that has hostels for girls, it’s possible that he wouldn’t mind.

 

 

2023

 

14. Weekly Report no. 111

 

Dear Sarah,

 

I hope you’re doing well. I have been doing the exercises with her that you suggested. I’m beginning to understand the objectives and have started making up new exercises myself. She has responded well to them. I’m completing the analysis of this week’s data and I’ll forward it to you within the next 2 days.

 

Business matters that I haven’t been able to avoid keep surfacing and distracting me. This month’s going to be tough but all is well, more or less.

 

 Your anomaly is doing well and wants to go to a university .I’ve made all the arrangements that I’ll need to make, beforehand. I don’t doubt her abilities about doing what she wants. Her creativity suffers a little as a consequence of not daydreaming but she’ll make it. She’s a smart kid. I have a feeling we’re very close to making our first real progress. Hopefully, I will have good news for you very soon.

 

Regards,

Jack,

Intern,

Dream Management.

 

 

15. Nearing Conclusion

 

 

In our next ice-cream session after I sent out my weekly report number 111, I actually saw what I believe to be our first real progress. I can’t be sure how the pictures looked or if they were even truly forming in her mind but she had started vividly describing details of the scenes I was trying to put in her mind. The best part was that she came up these details herself. This was a promising sign.

 

My investigation assignment seemed like it deserved to end after what she did next. She talked to me about going to university. She didn’t just talk about it. She began to describe what she thought it would be like. She brought out images from her mind in an attempt to convince me. She talked about sitting in class with new friends. She talked about how she would be able to learn something new every day. She talked about working on projects with smart and interesting people. She told me her aspirations for what she wanted to do after she graduated. She said that she wanted to study in a university in this city so that we could still have our ice-cream sessions.

 

I was amazed. My wide-eyed expression confused her she started doubting if she should’ve ever asked me. I explained to her how I had already made some arrangements and that I’d be happy to support her during this important stage in her life.

 

She asked me why I was surprised.

 

“You daydreamed.” That’s all I could say at the moment. I wish I had said more.

 

“Yes. Yes, I did.” She said with a confused smile. She wasn’t sure what I was on about but she looked too happy care.

 

I dropped the happy kid off at the apartment and left to meet Tom. I met him every once in a while just for old times’ sake. We didn’t have much to do or talk about but we spent an hour together from time to time to stay in touch with the past.

 

On the way to his place, I stopped by the grocery store to get a bottle of Coke. I wasn’t a fan of fizzy drinks but Tom lived on these things.

 

The store was as quiet as it usually was, which was one of the reasons I liked coming here. I liked walking one or two aisles, looking at stuff before I picked up what I actually came for. I was almost done with my stroll when I heard agitated whispers from the direction of the counter. I silently walked in its direction to see what was happening.

 

There was a guy pointing a gun toward the money counter and was demanding that he empty the cash register. It was an armed robbery!

 

I decided to stealthily move out of the store and call for help. What was I thinking though? I wasn’t a very stealthy person. The moment I started walking, en route the exit, the robber noticed me. I should’ve just hidden somewhere until he was done and had left!

 

“You there! Don’t move!” He was very paranoid and that frightened me. He was now pointing the gun in my direction.

 

“Chill, man. I’m not doing anything. Please don’t do anything hasty.” I tried to reason with him.

 

“Shut up! Put your hands up and don’t move or say anything. If I feel like you’re up to something, I’ll shoot. I mean it!” His voice trembled. A wild animal isn’t that big of a problem but a frightened wild animal is very dangerous.

 

I did what he said but he wasn’t taking his eyes off of me. The boy on the counter behind him opened the cash register to give him what he wanted. The noise from the machine startled the robber. Almost as if by instinct, he turned around and shot the boy in the head. Things were really out of control now. He was out of his mind.

 

He looked at the counter fill up with blood for a few seconds and then quickly turned toward me. He had tears in his eyes now and was shaking.

 

“Look what you made me do!” I wasn’t sure where to keep my eyes now. At his gun or the brains splattered all over the cash counter.

 

“I did what you asked me. Please, relax. You can still get out of here. No one has noticed anything yet.” My voice was now trembling too.

 

“But you’ve seen me now. You can identify me. God! This wasn’t how it was supposed to go!” He was crying now.

 

“You can run away. No one noticed anything. It’ll take them at least a day to find anything out. Just get out of here and move some place far away until the heat dies down.” I tried to ease him but he wasn’t buying it.

 

As he pointed his gun toward me, he said, “I’m sorry. I can’t let you go like this.”

 

The moment I felt he was about to pull the trigger, I turned around and tried to run out of there as fast as I could.

 

I’m fast. I can run faster than most people I personally know. But even I can’t outrun a bullet. I heard a bang and felt the bullet penetrate my back. I crashed face first into the glass door and fell on the floor in front of it. My first instinct was to touch my back. When I felt the warm blood on my hand, I came to grips with what had happened. I pleadingly looked around for help but the store was almost always quiet at this time. I hated it for the first time since I started coming here.

 

 

16. Haze

 

 

For some reason, the first thing I thought about was how I had never recovered my dreaming privileges. Who would’ve known the pain in my back would turn this ugly. Was my internship of any use to me?

 

“Hey, Dream Management! If you really exist, let me dream right now! I better fall asleep and dream before I kick the bucket!” Only I could hear myself yelling. I was so loud but I knew no one heard a sound. All that was audible to the rest of the word were my grunting sounds I made out of sheer pain.

 

I thought about the girl. I wondered what would happen to her. I promised to take care of her and I’m ditching her now. The same way everyone kept ditching me.

 

“I better dream when I close my eyes!” I kept repeating.

 

There was no use denying the fact that I was dying. At first, I started feeling angry at a lot of things. Then I tried to convince myself into thinking that I was going to be okay. It didn’t work and that depressed me. I had to unfortunately, accept the reality of the situation.

 

My eyelids began to feel very heavy. This was it. This was the end.

 

When I finally let go and closed my eyes, I opened them immediately and saw that I was somewhere else. I felt the afternoon sun. Where was I?

 

I wasn’t feeling the pain anymore. In fact, I felt a very pleasant buzz all over my body.

 

An innocent face with the most tender of smiles suddenly appeared between me and the sun. It was her. She was little.

 

Wait. Was I at the train station?

 

I wanted to say so many things to her but something blocked my throat. I just kept looking at her. Her eyes looked green in the sun. I had never noticed that before. She looked beautiful.

 

“Thank you.” She said.

 

I was dreaming. This was my favorite dream of all time.

 

 

2023

 

17. Arrangements

 

 

On the last day I talked to him, Jack didn’t come home all night. I didn’t worry much as I felt very happy. I was surely going to university now. But what really made me happy was seeing Jack so cheerful. I kept repeating our conversation in my head. That night, I slept with one of the most content smiles that I have ever smiled.

 

What happened in the next few days went by like an excruciating flash. I found out what had happened to him on the evening next day. At first I was too stunned to know how to react. I’m no stranger to seeing death up close but this felt different. It was like I had been saved when I was drowning, given some time to breathe and now thrown back into the water. I thought I would drown again.

 

This time however, I remained afloat. I was now wearing a rubber tube filled tight with air. Only after he left me did I realize the full extent of efforts he had put into making that rubber tube for me.

 

For the next few months, Tom kept paying me visits to ask if I needed help. I hardly ever needed anything but it was comforting to know that there was someone who would assist me if there was a problem I couldn’t solve myself. Jack had told him everything and he was ready to help as soon as Jack was gone. He wasn’t Jack’s favorite friend but Tom loved Jack more than he could’ve ever known. It was obvious from his actions.

 

A few days later, I found out what Jack meant when he said he had already made arrangements. He had already made a separate bank account for the sole purpose of supporting my degree. Admission, tuition and hostel fees could be easily covered. It even had a surplus that would help me with my day to day living expenses. It wasn’t too extravagant but it was more than enough for me. I found out that Tom had been handling his finances for the last 2 years. “Jack wasn’t amazing at handling money but he knew how to ask for help”, Tom would say. 

 

I realized that, for the rest of my life, I would have to live with a very important want unfulfilled. I would never be able to truly thank him for all he did for me. This want often crept up and made me feel like a loser. I tried my best to promptly shake it off though. I’m sure he would have lost the cheer I saw in him if he knew I was like this. What would be the use of all that he had done if I still wasn’t happy?

 

But the heart feels what it feels. I missed him all the time.

 

Is everyone that is related to me in any way going to die? Am I cursed? Am I a source of bad luck? I felt like withdrawing from everything and giving up things I loved as self-punishment. I felt like taking dangerous risks like standing at the edge of a high balcony or crossing the road without watching out for traffic. If I die, will this cycle finally end?

 

When I found myself drowning in such thoughts, I would shake my head hard. Doing that made the thoughts fall off from my head on to the ground. I would then act like I was stomping on them hard with my feet in an attempt to kill them. They were stubborn creatures. They always found their way back into my mind but I never stopped fighting. I owed Jack and myself that much.

 

 

2024

 

18. Mirror Reverie

 

I was able to get into a good university and had decided to earn a degree in business. Both the artist and the businessman in Jack inspired me but I was able to relate with the latter one more. I had seen him work for years and it looked so much better than anything I saw anyone else doing. I wanted to become a businesswoman.

There was still over a month left before the semester would start. I asked Tom if it was possible to move into the hostels right away. No one usually liked doing that so the hostels were empty at this time. People wanted to avoid change for as long as possible. Most of the students moved in a day or two before their first classes but I wanted to face the change as soon as possible. I wanted to move on.

Tom checked and said that it was possible. He took me to the campus as my guardian and helped me move in.

I walked around the whole building and explored the campus in the weeks after that. It was very silent. I was alone but I felt free. I wanted to move on from my pains before my classes started. I wanted to make new friends and learn something new every day. I wanted to work hard and make my dreams about my future come true. I wouldn’t be able to do that if I was feeling down all the time. I decided that I would free myself from all dismal emotions by the time the month ended.

About a week before my classes were to start, I suffered the mother of all panic attacks. I lit a cigarette and walked into the dorm bathroom. I was looking at myself in the mirror as I started crying. I asked myself what I had to do to stop feeling this way. I started begging for any way that could help me move past this.

The questions soon turned into a conversation with Jack. A conversation of “could have beens”, apologies and feelings.

I looked into in my eyes and the tears stopped. I was truly broken.

As I stared into myself, I started to lose my mind a little. My deranged imagination took me where I wanted to go. As I zoomed out from my eyes, I realized that my reflection had turned into Jack. He was staring right back at me. He smiled and kept his eyes locked into mine.

I took a deep puff and suddenly felt that I might have made a mistake. Will that puff cost me his image? Lost in my thought process, I blew the smoke towards the mirror blocking my view altogether.

Will I lose him again?

To my elation, he was still there. Eyes still locked into mine. His face was telling me that everything was going to be alright. I understood him. I believed him. Everything was going to be alright. I needed that. After all he had done, he still helped me and he does to this day.

I had so many things to say to him but I didn't want to ruin the moment. I smiled at him, said goodbye and walked out of the bathroom.

Regret of loss turned into blissful relief. I thanked him.

 

????

 

??. Morpheus Gate

 

“Where am I?” I thought, as I tried hard to make sense of things. It was very hard to focus my senses. My vision was blurred but it was slowly getting better. The next few minutes felt like an eternity but I was able to see again. I saw a large white structure at a distance from me. I walked toward it and as I got closer, I saw a woman standing below it.

“Hello?” I called out.

“Hello, Jack.” The woman replied.

“What is this place? And how do you know my name?” My head was starting to hurt in confusion.

“My name is Sarah. This is Morpheus’ Gate. Welcome to Dream Management.”

 

 The End